ohhi twine

10:25 AM |

these dead neurons
this hopeless tissue
this never ending darkness
roaming blindly
from street corner to street corner
never noticing anything
everything invisible
then within an instant
like a trickle of sunlight
a decorated presence
skipping to my door step
a gift
something absolutely true
a confirmation
reason
to know all
but to care for nothing
the curse of intelligence
to always be looking down
with a certain magic
some Luck
hope for the hopeless
some change in a jar

ohhi tiny pieces

10:17 AM |

so many ways
so many ways
so many excuses
like an uncapturable light
a moment of rescue
a tiny sense of relief
all hell surrounding us
with peace in our foxhole
run away with me
run away with me forever
into shallow unmarked graves
into mystery
into nowhere
into nothing
I failed you
in so many ways
so many ways.

poerty is for the weak.
the broken hearted
the low spirit.
the beaten down
the losers
the ones that never get anywhere
but still fight
they want to hear the words.
from someone elses lips
that Life SUCKS
but that it's Worth it
it's worth it to fight
to claw
to chew and destroy
it's all worth it
cause what else is there
but to die
wishing you there.

THEY SAID IT CAN'T BE DONE!
IT'S ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE!
BUT THEN COMES THE SPERM
SURROUNDING THOSE HELPLESS EGGS
AND LIKE CANCER CELLS THEY GROW
AND NOW THEY'RE HERE
READY FOR THE KILL
TAKING THE WORLD BY STORM
LANGOLIERS!
LANGOLIERS!
EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM
CHEWING UP EVERY BIT OF BULLSHIT
STOMPING ON THEIR GRAVES
SLICE A THROAT FOR ME WILL YA
THEY DESERVE KILLIN
YOU CAN'T EAT EM
BUT WHAT THE HELL
THEY'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF THINGS
RAPE THE UNRAPEABLE
MUTILATE AND SHRED
CHEW UP AND GARBLE
SPIT OUT WHATS LEFT
AND CALL IT A DAY

I die and I die and I die

every day we die
the moon as our tombstone
the ocean bleeds
and the sky breathes
the animals walk in it
the world dominates
penetrates
expands
and degenerates
just a glimpse
a glimpse of the other side
pure sugar
the butterfly stretching its wings
birds and monkeys
helpless
dominated
surrounded by death
how terrifying this world must be
how nightmarish.
we push play
their eyes widen in fear
nothing can stop the sound
nothing can prevent the flood
the ocean bleeds
the volcanoes flex
comets and stars
asteroids and sun beams
We ARE we are
the reality in language.
the reality in sound
feeling our way through
scream
scream
loud enough to frighten a crowd
it's too late now
this gluttonous cancer
we live to die
we live to kill
we feed on our victims
and we flush ourselves into the sea
the ocean bleeds shit
it tastes us
walking on it's back
it prays for an asteroid
the only thing that can stop it
is total death
total fucking death

HERE I AM

8:59 PM

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yea, so what's the point anymore
I could write a thousand poems
Courtney you just are poetry
so I steal from your muse
I nip and bite
I hymn I hum
I bite my tongue
all the treachery
all the unwillingness
all the hatred
all for nothing
all so you can be a poem
not enough time
we all die young
when we're all young at heart

oh fuck, I'm in love
you look and you look and you look
and people look back
and nothing's ever right
and it's lonely
and boring
and then like a wrecking ball
you find a perfect fit
and suddenly everything makes sense
a snowflake in a volcano
salvation
it doesn't even matter if it works out
because it happens
and you witness it like a UFO
unexplainable
uncapturable
suddenly everything is in tune
like a drug that never quits
we blame ourselves forever
we dress ourselves in our well defined shame
our over examined egos
our trampled souls
then the sun trickles in
and the warmth from a million miles away
caresses us in our evil
washes away the darkness
encompasses our spirit
making plants stretch
and roosters crow
dogs ears perk
and trees whisper
spinning illustriously
as if perfect

what a waste
to have found it now
after having been searching forever
and to be down to shreds
what a waste
to see a future
to have it dangled in my face
as if it were there the entire time
waiting for the perfect moment
to taunt my fading extacy

but better to have seen it
the glory of the light
then to live on without knowing
to live in nothing but darkness
to never hear the sounds
of ancient wisdom
what has carried us this far
here all along.

"hey Kurt. Hi Kurt."
some little girl heckled from behind.
I'm a relic
I crossed paths with Jack ennino
at a cross walk
he gave me a look
a sort of proud look
seeing a survivor, I guess.

he was balding like a vulture
but he still had that smug shit eating grin on his face
I looked at him like I knew him
I felt embarrassed for looking the way I did
flannel t-shirt
bleached out hair

trying to be myself
while facing extradition

the kids that were born while we were out fucking
they're ten times as strong
and they're ready for war
our only job now is to show them how

so vain this world
that I stay in my room and write
with just enough hope
to get hurt again
that someone would love me
someone uglier than me
the ugliness of the world
printed on our faces
it's reflection
in our drooping eyes
sour lips
and biting tongues
the bitterness shining through
with hope tucked away
hidden deeply in the iris
not letting anyone through
not letting anyone know
of what's left

now that the parade has vanished
now that the sounds and the joy has evaporated
into ancient history
we were all one
now we're nowhere to be found
shattered into a million tiny pieces
indistinguishable
unfamiliar
unremarkable
unfathomable
to think that we were kings
in this dirty jacket
in these worn out clothes
stood a piece of the puzzle
the mob in full force
forcing the direction of the tide
taking hold of all that was sacred
standing on mountain tops
claiming all the worlds treasures
and then,
from concrete to sand
from tall structures to foot prints
hieroglyphics
mispronounced and misinterpreted
nothing of what it was
everything must begin anew
to everything an ending
to everything remorse
to everything, shattered mirrors and burnt out candles
to everything no more

what can we do Courtney?
What can we do?
no matter what
"something good will come from this"
Yea? What? and When?
I've been standing here
for what seems like ages
waiting for the leaf to turn
to see the colors change
eat my cancer
We turned black
we're the ones draped in darkness
he escaped
his nonexistent memory only saw flowers in bloom
only saw the best in us all
was it betrayal
or was it destiny
was it anything at all?
has it dwindled?
so far, all the way down
into some miserable poet
from no where
with nothing to say
nothing that hasn't been heard before
he knew with every glance
with every breath
time was short
terminally mentally ill
a ticking time bomb
he was always in control
no one can take that from him
we can scream and spit on his grave
he's impervious.

like it were yesterday
like it were yesterday

it's all over now.
time to go home.
the lights are on.
he gave us his all and then said good night.
it just isn't any fun anymore.
any of it.
to take things so seriously.
we laugh now, just to ease the pain.
we lost the war.
it was just another trend.
it started dying from the word go.
and now the vultures are having an eating contest.
they chew on our remains.
the ones left standing.
to watch it all disappear.
oh how we hold on.
how we never forget.
vanquished by time.
the irrelevance in the eyes of eternity.
and nothing has happened since.
nothing that was worth noticing.
the billionaires and their toys.
dangling shiny objects in front of the docile crowd.
hypnotized by ignorance.
let them bleed
let them starve
no one taught us how to fight.
and we melted the entire system.
but now they all want it for free.
so the game is finished.
the only ones that make it to the top
are the ones who are placed there.
a million nine elevens
a million suicide cults
spitting in jesus' face.
while jumping head first into failure
never allowed to love
never allowed to be in the moment
fixated on the idea
that nothing lasts forever

she was somebody desperately seeking someone to love
and he was someone desperately needing to be loved

he walks the streets
looking for something to eat
just like the pigeon
only it's worse for him
because he Knows he's not a pigeon.
He's a man.
with the same thoughts
the same adversity
the same pupils and brain stem
as the president of the United States
we all clinch our fists
we all want more
the bum wants just enough
he's willing to share
maybe that's how he ended up on the streets
he gave it all away
there's always plenty of takers
the moment you have something to give
and so we live for the take
we live for the snatch and grab
the tug and pull
winner take all
he who dies with the most toys wins
but he still dies
just like that poor bum on the street
his arteries will clog
and he'll collapse
they'll do an autopsy
try to place a name on his toe tag
if not just make one up
born to rot
born to steal and beg
until the last drop
this concentrated Earth
these plundered valleys
these wretched animals
chewing and clawing
into the everlasting
into the apocalypse
dogs chasing invisible flies
but we know we're not dogs
so we chew and claw with remorse
we sin in our every action
we question and doubt existence itself
the universe only goes as far as you can see
beyond that is just a chasm of meaninglessness

how good is the wine
the cigarettes all taste the same

so they told you you could be somebody
some pathetic fool (slacker)
you could blow off your head
and people think it's cool (kurt cobain)

is that all it's about?
is that all it's about?

so you can waste away
in someone elses grave(has been)
or you can celebrate
whatever takes it's place(the new trend)

is that all it's about?

snake

breaking through the silence
a spearhead full of lies
from a desert island
into an empty sky

filthy remains
this empty shell
a sacrifice
to lift the curse
turn the tide

he lived a million miles an hour
everywhere at once
just put me in the wheel chair
and get me to the show
hurry hurry hurry
before I have to go
we all die
it's a song we all can sing
it's not a question of how
but when
and/or for why
if you so choose
Basquiat died in a hurry
Hendrix came and went
we walk on their graves
we spit and we stumble
we mummer curses into the wind
we wait and we wait and we wait
for things to get better
for things to Be better
what exchange?
what questions
that's why every word was perfect
because it was soaked in Destiny
it fumed out from its own glory
it passed through like a wild fire
it ate up the entire world
if just for a moment
it's just as great as the pyramids
that video shrine
it's as important as anything that ever came before
history in the making
the story billowing out
how we all wish for such things
how we all want and struggle for
the shapes in the clouds
an angel with no wings
a rotting corpse
in an unmarked grave