I wait and I listen for her foot steps. I can hear her from a mile away. I can sense when she's near. even when she's not actually there. her spirit haunts me. it keeps me in a state of shock. i total dismay of my failures as a man. What I'm not worth and what I've fought my entire life to be worth. everything I've fought for day in and day out. waved in my face only to be taken away every time I reach for it. can I just smell you? can I feel your soft skin? can I hold you and look into your eyes and see you smile knowing that you're smiling for me and me alone. that it's me that makes you smile. that it's me that you've been waiting for just as it's been you that I have shown such patience for? where can you be? who are you? are you really even who I think you are? or am I just a fool? am I placing all this on you when in everyone elses eyes you're not even close to how I would describe you? all of these questions torture me. they won't let me sleep. they kill my appetite. they ruin my high. the slightest tug and I'm on the floor weeping like a child who's lost his favorite toy.

I wait and I listen. and even when I know it's not you I pretend that it's you. just so I can have a chance to remember how it felt when you Were there. I didn't need anything. now I need everything. I knew everything. Now I know nothing. you took it all out of me and gave it back to me broken in a million pieces. but that's ok. it was made to be broken. I was never meant to have what others don't even want. I was never meant to enjoy what others give away for free. I was never meant to possess what others don't keep. I'll just sit here and wait some more. till I finally fall asleep.