i wanna see a film about me. a film about where I've been. maybe because I don't know where I'm going. Not too long. just a short little film long enough to get it down. places I've seen. people I've known. Things I've done. all my mistakes and triumphs. Nothing fancy. just a short little film all about me. I figure maybe if someone can lay down some of my roots I can get my feet planted enough to gain some balance and Then Maybe I'll be able to get a glance of what's ahead of me. waiting down the road. just beyond my vision. what magic window that's surrounded in darkness awaits?

things always look better on screen. they say you gain ten pounds but that ten pounds doesn't reflect in comparison to the mystique it clothes you in. In a film you can be anyone. Go anywhere. Do anything. in a film you always fall in love and you always die content. in a film no one ever stays mad at each other. and if they do then the matter gets solved. usually by blunt force.

Yea a movie. where everything's alright. where everything happens for a reason. where everyone and everything has a purpose unto itself.

a movie where the colors and the sound and the motion and the words have meaning. where the mixture of decency and indifference blend without consequence. where everything is beautiful. no matter how obscene.

I'd like to see it. I think it'd bode well. there's a story to be told. if only there were someone to tell it.

what used to be 15 minutes went down to 15 seconds to now none at all. like how they say the twin towers fell. everyone rushing to the top so that the bottom falls out. people make better ants anyways.

Oh but they used to be so beautiful. and charming. and magical. glamorous. beyond royalty. as close to godly as one could imagine. from the caves till that first printed screen. How priviliged they were. to only have known it for a little while. there's no time for foolish idolatry today. only those who get paid and those who get served.

but even after they've raped and humiliated and disreputably desensitized and demoralized her. when they smile on film. moments arise.