ohhi beerina

12:13 AM |

"I'm seeing someone."
"Yes, I know."

She laughed out loud as I kept kissing her neck. We'd been talking for hours. We hadn't seen each other in awhile so it was nice. I could always count on her. I liked her cause she was the most upfront gal I'd met since living in San Francisco. No games. "Guys are always telling me. So you wanna start seeing each other exclusively? you want to get married? You want to have kids? no!" she said waving her arm. "your place or mine? that's all I need to know." She was laying on her back. She looked the best I'd ever seen her. When we first met she was a little bit thick. But now since she started eating meat again she'd lost weight in all the right places and what parts were best left plump had magically stayed full. "I hit puberty late. What can I say?".

I couldn't get over my jealous feeling of her Bohemian homestead. She had moved in months ago but this was the first time I'd gotten to see the place. It was one step above the hotel experience she'd been enduring before but for San Francisco and it being in the heart of the Mission it was one hell of a spot. The bathroom was nothing but a tiny room with a toilet. and you had to go to a separate room to wash your hands. Her left window when opened looked straight into her housemates bedroom which forced her to have a permanent blind to cover it. and her right window was a direct view into someones bedroom of the house next door. Which she covered as well.

She showed me her collection of animal skulls. most all still with their teeth. I examined them with great care. She showed me her art work. some very simple yet elegant drawings on square plates. The best one being of a version of "the thinker" only her version placing him in his famous pose sitting on the toilet. I was impressed. She had talent. Which I didn't shy away from saying as I went through her sketch book. well shaded faces. highly descriptive eyes. Her walls were covered in what I considered excellent if not random finds. Above her bed a picture of 1940s new york. Some work men bravely sitting on a railing hundreds of feet in the sky. lining the tops of the cabinets were well crafted beer glasses. On one of her desks she had an assortment of candles. some with catholic designs. Some with gothic designs. She described it as "my voodoo chamber" as she was giving me the tour.

She was the oddest of transients. A vegetarian that hated animals. When she had met my cat she patted him on the head with great trepidation. Which was puzzling to him because he was used to just always being adored. Which explained why a few days later when my ex came to spend the night he immediately jumped in her lap. Making it clear that he didn't particularly care for the other girl who was less affectionate. It being especially obvious in that he never jumped in my exes lap. As a rule. Ever since she had left me and him in Kansas City he was less trusting of her once we reconnected in California.

"the more dead animals I have on me the better I feel." she said as she put on her leather jacket. It fit her like a glove. Well shaped to accentuate her bust. "see?" she said sticking out her wrist. She had a plain band of leather string wrapped around it. She was on crutches that she had spray painted "watermelon pink". Outside we stopped to have a smoke before going out to eat.

Even on crutches she was still racing me. I'd never met a woman more in a hurry to get where ever she was going to. My friend Jack called as we were hobbling our way down the street. I immediately tore into him with a recent realization.

"How old was he when he died??? HOW OLD 36? 37? That means I still got 4 years to go before that fucker will even Tie with me."
"naw dude. nuh uh! that aint the way the game is played. It's about NOW. Who's still stuck in the NOW." Jack argued.
"Naw man I get residuals.Residuals! I'm gonna beat all you mother fuckers." I admonished.
"no way man. You know the rules." Jack repeated.
"yea well the rules are, that I'm gonna win! even If it Is just by a Technicality!" I hung up.

I explained to her that me and my friend had formed a pact when we were in a band together that we coined The Race To Die. And that one of us was already dead so me and Jack call each other about once a month to see if the game is still on.

"You're not trying very hard." she jokingly replied.
"Are you kidding?" I said raising my brow. "Just the opposite."

I ordered the food even though she was paying. We had chicken fried steak and eggs. It was a guilty pleasure eating a meal with meat in it with someone who had recently clipped their vegan wings. I always admired the concept but never had the fortitude nor the will power to ever give up eating meat. The restaurant was full of Yuppies and was too darkly lit. The front of the place was a late night hookah bar which pestered us into wanting to have a cigarette. And the waitress took forever in bringing us our check.

Once we got outside we immediately lit up our smokes. There was an impromptu dance party breaking out a half a block away from us. Some black folks dancing in the dark to the sounds omitting from a small junkity radio they'd brought with them to help pass the time while selling some sweaters and t-shirts on the sidewalk. "see I can still do the shimmy" she said shaking her hips to the ground using her one good foot for balance. "don't hurt yourself. " I said laughing.

Later when we got back to her place we smoked grass and she drank. She was having Gin mixed with some kind of sexually enhancing energy drink. the bottle was red and shaped very suggestively.

The dog in the back yard was being very distracting as it would not stop barking. The sirens. the other dogs. the yelling junkies and crack heads roaming the streets were all setting him off. "I will Eat you dog. I will cook you and put you on a stick!" She sort of yelled. Seemingly, the dog understood because he immediately stopped barking and began whimpering. It reminded me of a story my dad once told me.

"Yea it was after the vietnam war and President Carter had given people that lived in south vietnam a free pass to come live here as refugees. And it wasn't a Month after they had filled up this certain neighborhood that A bunch of Missing Dog posters started popping up on every single telephone pole up and down the block"

"You sure your dad wasn't just fucking with you?" she said."Cause our dad used to fuck with us all the time. like he used to say

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and weigh;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
"thats pretty good" I said laughing.
"and he used to call cows Dinosaurs. Like 'Hey Kids Look It's a Dinosaur!"

We heard a cat meowing in heat. I spotted her over the balcony. "No that's definitely the sound of a cat needing to get fucked." I scientifically stated. "Well whatever it is it's annoying." she said. "I see her. she's right there." I said pointing down at it. "well you wanna stop looking at the cats vagina..." she said. "I like looking at pussy." I said putting out my smoke.

She sat in the chair. I got down on my knees in front of her and wiggled my way in between her thighs.

"honey I don't feel very attractive being all crippled up like this."
"well I've always been crippled up and we figured out a way around that now didn't we."I said with a smile. "doesn't take away from your hotness in the slightest bit in my eyes."
"you're delusional" she said giving me a cross look.
"yea well it aint fair you being the hottest I've ever seen you and you not willing to fool around with me a little bit." I stated.
She scissor locked me with her legs to the point where I couldn't move. Almost to the point where I couldn't breathe. Even with a giant boot on her leg she was stronger than me. I fought to get closer but to no avail. Just being outside of kissing range. She laughed as I struggled. So I grabbed her thighs and brought her closer to me.

"I'm nothing but trouble." She said as I kissed and tugged and rubbed on her thighs.
"Yea I aint nothin but trouble either. That's why we make such a good team." I kindly replied.
"you wouldn't like me if I was easy." She said with a sweet look.
"Baby?.." (I like you Because you're easy!) I thought without saying.

We stayed in that position for awhile. Continuing our small talk. She always had a million things to say about Beer. She had recently landed her dream job of being "brew master. How cool of a title is that?" she stated festively. Working for an independent brewing company called Shaltz. She was going to be working on Coney Island which was the only nice thing left of New York in my eyes so I was quite impressed. But a week before she was set to leave she was out drinking with some friends and they were wrestling and she said that one of her friends had fell directly on her foot. "Someone said it sounded like a champagne cork popping off" She explained.

The more she drank the sweeter she got. we slow danced a little cast and all to some music by Slim Cessna. This time when I went in for a kiss she kissed me back. "bastard." she said giving me a sweet guilty carnivorous smile.


A few hours later her air mattress had deflated to the point where I was literally laying on the floor. She got a text from her boyfriend. "A friend of mine lives across the street from you." it said. "OK" she replied. I checked my phone. it was getting late.

"So you gonna let me crash here or you gonna kick me out?" I asked feeling tired.
"I gotta kick you out." she said.
"yea I figured as much."
"you hate me don't you." she asked.
"no I don't hate you. I just have my own ideas on the way things should be you know?"

I got together my belongings and gave her a kiss on the cheek before making my way down the stairs. "safe trip" she said sounding sad. "thanks." I said giving her one last kind look before heading out the front door.

A couple sitting in front of me on the train were giving each other soft sweet loving kisses. Which in one way made me want to puke. But in another way made me feel lonely. Always "see you around" never "see you soon." always "nice knowing you" never "happy to have met you" , "this is just for one night." ," I'm seeing somebody", "this is nothing serious", "we're just having fun", "You know I have a boy friend right?"


At the next stop the guy that sat next to me stunk like work. So I got up and moved to a better spot. But at the next stop the corridor filled up with people on bicycles which after closer examination turned out to be Literally drunken retards. One sat next to me putting her bike in front of me like a gate. Another stood right in front of me, putting his ass right in my face and his bike practically in my fucking lap. He wreaked of hospital room smell. And he kept getting closer as the train rolled under the bay. I was feeling so boxed in that anyone who would had seen the expression on my face would surely have noticed that I was extremely annoyed. I cautiously raised myself up and made my way to the door before my stop arrived. While I waited for the train to stop the retarded guy next to me was cussing out nobody. Starting a fight with thin air. Slurring his speech as he spit out the words "I punch you in the face."

My house was pitch black and dead silent when I finally arrived.