I wasted my whole life trying to be normal
trying to be like them.
trying to fit in.
never really knowing what "it" was.
never really knowing where "it" came from.
always trying to find somewhere where I belong.
I must belong somewhere.
there must be some place where a fool like me can sit and not have to worry about being outed as unfit for company
there must be someone out there that knows whats on my mind
and I bet they're beautiful
I bet they're beautiful loving people with smiles on their faces and a glide in their step

I bet they know exactly what to say and when to say it
how to get things done. without any hassle
they never have to beg. they never have to do much of anything at all except enjoy themselves and enjoy the people around them. and I bet they smoke cigarettes and take drugs without it ever becoming a problem.

I bet they hate the same people I hate and I bet they wondered the same things I've wondered all my life.

Like what the fuck is wrong with people?
how can they just go on day after day never looking up to see the sky?
they just take one step at a time without a single thought in their heads about where they're going, what they're doing, who they're doing it for, what they'll do once they're finished. never a moment do they stop and realize that they're alive and that the world is burning. the world is burning with fires as big as all the oceans combined. the people are using broad swords and hacking up their mothers in the name of their father as a sacred duty to their heritage. they kill so they can kill some more. they starve themselves to kill

but dont tell them that. dont ask them. dont mention what you think. dont by any means form an opinion. dont speak. dont listen. dont watch. just block it all out of your mind.

but they dont even have to block it out of their mind because it never enters their mind because they have no mind. they have no spirit they have no soul. they're not even human. they dont even exist. they just breath and eat and shit and fuck and thats alright with them. even if their were a stack of dead bodies piled on their front lawn they'd just call the authorities and have them removed. they wouldn't ask where they came from they'd simply go on with their day. carry out their duties. get back in their place in line. where we all are. looking over each others shoulders to see whos next. grid locked and panicky. the line is so long you cant even begin to see where it starts. and it never ends because they just keep shitting out more babies to put in line. for every dead man there's a hundred more new born babies. with mouths that need feeding and asses that need wiped. they should outlaw guns but they wont. because we need to kill. we need to destroy eachother. we need to use every weapon at our disposal to kill as many of them off as we can. other wise where will we go? how will we get there? when will we know we're there? how many can you kill? I could kill atleast a hundred. that's the only way we'll ever survive you see.

we have to die so we can live.