I left around 4. I knew I looked good cuz the girl across from me on the train was giving me a look of approval. I'd sat next to her when I got on and the girl across from us was giving us the what for. looking at her then looking at me. I wondered what she thought she was looking at till she got off and I moved across and noticed the girl was impressed. That felt good. She was cute. Indian or spanish with a nose ring and slutty but styled.
I headed to my favorite spot to get some coffee and kill some time. They were fiddling with the roaster in the back. later some people showed up and they were all taking pictures. I'd spoken to the owner when they first opened telling him highly I thought of his brew and he'd told me the story of how he went back packing across Europe to find a Roaster and found this one in Germany. It was made in 1958. My guess he was a trust fund baby. Tattoos and a hipster hair cut. back packing across Europe. But he'd made good of it. It was a fine place for me to hang my hat during the day when nothing was goin on.
So I sat there watching theses onlookers ooing and aweing over this machine I'd looked at a hundred times. I looked at my watch. 5:00. ok Now I start counting. 5:15. that should give her time to get home. and So I sipped my coffee. and pretended to think about something else.
5:10...I should wait till 5:15. 5:15 will give her enough time...But maybe she's already home and sitting there waiting for me to call. What the hell. I'm calling.
it rang a few times. "hello" she said sounding sweet.
"hey whats up" I calmly replied.
"I'm s.. a.. work"
"You're still at work?" I asked. it was loud. lots of chatter permeating the place.
"I just got off"
"You just got off?"
"yea."
"oh,.. well good."
Damn. called too soon. eager. Shit...
"WHat's the place called again?"
"sunflower"
"well I could just meet you over there? around ...6?"
"that'll work"
I thought that would give me time to head over to the commie thrift. Find me a cutting board.
We said goodbye and I slammed down the rest of my coffee. mostly grounds. and made my way down the block. My pants kept falling down cause I've lost weight. So on my way to the back of the store I grabbed me a better belt then the one I was wearin. 2.75. good thin leather belt. can't beat that. I tried it on in the back where I was looking for a cutting board. I didn't find a cutting board but the belt fit perfectly. I found a globe of the world made of wax with a whick on the top. Which sorta made it look like a bomb. I picked it up and I put it down. 2 dollars. pfft. Might be worth 50 cents. 'It's too big to stick in my pocket' I thought. hmmm 2 dollars.
I picked it up and put it down enough times that when I started to walk off from it I quickly turned around and gave in to my packrat habits and bought the damn thing. while in line he bagged up my candle globe. "not that. I'm wearing that." he gave a smile entertained by the fact. I quickly looped the belt around my waste and walked out feeling relieved that my pants wouldn't be falling down constantly now through out the rest of the day.
I checked my watch. 5:45. hmm guess I should head over there.
I went inside and checked the menu to see what vegan dishes they had. Seemed like more on the dinner menu than on the lunch. The place was full. all the tables and seats were taken. It smelled good though. I stepped outside and took a chair in front of the neighboring restaurant and made myself comfortable. I did some innocent people watching while I waited.
I noticed her instantly. Bright pink and gangly. long legs. Hands in the front pockets of her sweat jacket. I smiled feeling relieved to had finally gotten to see her. She said "Let's eat. I'm starved". I said I'm a little starved myself. having built an appetite from smelling the food.
We sat and got comfortable. She told me what she thought looked good as I decided on mine and eventually I gave the lady our order. She looked good. Nothing fancy but enough to make me feel privileged. cute blue button up top tightly fitted. a thin pink and glittery scarf neatly tied. Acting independent and self assured.
"I remember calling you last night. But I don't know What we talked about." she said playfully defensive.
"It wa. pl...ant" I said with a smile.
"what?"
"It was pleasant..." I repeated a little more loudly.
Noisy. everywhere was noisy.
I got my plate first and she smirked. "mmm looks delicious"
I felt embarrassed with my giant pile of meat. sitting there staring at me. I shamefully clutched my chopsticks.
I waited for her food to arrive. the fried tofu looked like french toast. her spicy green beans looked delicious. As she started to cut I started to pick at my meat. I told her about how much of a hard time my french instructor gives me about eating meat. "corpses she calls them" I said chewing away.
While I searched my brain for small talk the waitress started yelling at an old lady that had sat at the table behind us. She was yelling at her in vietnamese even though the lady was clearly white.
"Get out or I call police"
"I'm just sitting here eating my food!" the woman screamed.
She put a door stopper under the door and grabbed the womans belongings abrasively.
"Heeeeey thats my Stuff" the old woman yelled.
She yelled back for help from the kitchen. One of the cook came rushing over and grabbed her chair trying to shake her out of it.
They got her on to her feet and ushered her outside. The old woman grabbed the door and starting talking to other customers as they were throwing her out.
"Aint this the damndest thing you ever seen? I was just ea..."
they quickly shoved her outside and closed the door. the woman opened up a vent. looking Furious as can be. I apologized and tried to reignite the conversation.
Over her shoulder a noticed a guy standing outside. "Look" I told her."there's a Super Villain standing outside" She turned and laughed when she saw who I was referring to.
Finally something.
"It's the hair and the jacket." She said.
"Yea. that Ary.. loo.."
"what?"
"that Aryan look." I repeated.
We smiled and went on with our meal. We talked about our pasts. my lack of a parenting. her too much parenting. I asked her about music. Her first show was beck she said without much enthusiasm. Eventually it came out that that was the Beck Flaming lips tour. with which I was quick to tell her how unimpressed I was by it.
"it's like if Warhol and Basquiat making a bad painting." I painfully exclaimed.
I asked to walk her home. She said she was gonna take the bus but she agreed which pleased me. We began walking and I did my best to use my time wisely. I talked about everything I know to talk about. My A list of accomplishments and acknowledgments. and. Nothing. Either she didn't know who I was talking about or she didn't care. I might as well had been talking to her about baseball cards or my amazing stamp collection or so it seemed.
We talked some about our exes some. Hers sounding strict. Like her father, I suppose. Painting him as complaining about every little thing. I couldn't help but think to myself What in the world would that idiot have to complain about having this delicate thing serving him food? What a fool.
the day seemed somewhat fruitless. having gotten cleaned up and well dressed. the 30 dollar tab. her disciplinary nuances. the subtle conflict. indifference beseeching. me having nothing to impress her by.
but then , "I do appreciate that you always have nice shoes on when I see you"
And there, for one brief moment, suddenly the day was worth it. and It felt good hanging out with her. All that uneasiness brushing aside.
I wished her fun on her trip and gave her a gentlemanly hug good bye. I watched her go up the stairs before turning and walking back down the hill. All the way home I played kick the can with my heart. The who what when where why's and why not's badgering me as I sat quietly on the busy train. until finally I was back home. Where I settled back in to what now seemed like a lonesome existence.
