ohhi the view

8:56 PM |

baby i love you. i love everything about you. I love that you don't know why I love you so much. I love that you're always surprised. I'm always surprised too. I hear your voice. and immediately happy. like a child getting a scoop of ice cream. everything suddenly just makes perfect sense and nothing really matters any more. not even death can shake this feeling. point a gun to my head. I'd smile. just because I'm always smiling now. everytime you give me light. I soak it up like a plant.

I completely forgot. I thought it was casual. meaningless. exciting but cheap. but then as it passed. the scent. the ideas. the mirroring. I realied that you're the sun and the moon. you're the air. the the darkness and the light. you're lava and ice caps. you're ocean and land. you're love and hate.

you're the mother I never had. and you're the child I I couldn't keep.

ah. never good enough. but with you it doesn't matter. can't you see woman? you're all I've ever wanted. all I've ever searched for. fought for. survived for. strived for. you make me proud. but at the same time you scare the shit out of me. cuz you're all I've ever wanted and so the question becomes am I good enough. and the obvious answer to that is of course not. she of all people could find a million better boys. stronger men. more capable men. better looking. in better health. in better states of mind. confident and strong. independent and in charge of their own destiny. so then the question becomes should I burden you with my love? should I slow you down just because it would make me happy. am I selfish enough to give you my all when my all is a great big wadded up piece of paper covered in mud and burn holes. marry me and I'll put you in debt! give me a home and I'll make you Sick. share your bed with me and I'll soil your sheets. what the fuck is god allowing me to go on for if all I do is turn everything I touch into shit? why in the fuck would there be a god if he were to allow my madness to interrupt with the worlds naturale balance. why in the fuck would a god be so careless as to allow a madman like me to take what I wanted? for that I don't have the answer to. I think maybe I've got satan pulling some strings for me. thats the only way it makes sense. because surely if there were an all powerful god that was in control of the worlds destiny he wouldn't have any need for a soul less monstrosity such as myself to continue to walk the earth aimlessly and fruitlessly. I mean what would be the point? I serve no greater good. I serve no end of greatness. I only have a few bucks i my pocket I was able to con out of the state and some wine in my belly thats keeping me from getting angry. my chest hurts. I think gods coming for me. he found me after all these years. even though a day is a millennium in the eyes of the gods. who gives a fuck!

I'm in love mother fucker. leave me the fuck alone. is this your great revenge on me? for destroying your temple and desecrating your social fiber? wait till I finally find true love. a love I've searched the whole world over for. and then you come tap me on the shoulder and tell me it's time to go? is that you're great gift to me? for allowing me this little bit of extra time. I know I'm past due. 've been past due for awhile. you've never let me forget that. not for a second. I've always heard your dogs. tracking me. following me everywhere I went. making sure I was always aware that I was still under contract.

So what If I killed a bunch of people. what then I say to the gods. what If I just went totally nuts and went all out insane on the world and started dropping bombs in all directions all across the globe? what then? would that be enough to satisfy you dear gods? if I did some of your dirty work for you. as countless others have tried.

us humans man. we aint stopping for nothing. like rabid dogs. chasing down some chickens. we won't stop. even after we know that you're dead. and thats you aint it... got me stuck up in this tree. but you know what? I can smell the leaves and I can feel the wind. so until you get me down from here I'm just gonna enjoy the view.