I gave you my life. it wasn't enough. my life has never been enough for anyone. no matter where I roam. I ask. I beg . I demand. its all the same. life is pathetic. life ais a joke. life is meaningless. life is a fart. life is an orgasm. life comes and it goes. no one know no onw cares. nore willl they ever. its as meaningless as slicing a goats throat for satan. its as meaningless as jerking off. you know the girl on your computer screen doesn't know you. but you like watching her get fucked anyways. cuz for one brief shining moment you're not the one getting fucked. no one cares . nor will they ever. its all a meaningless game. whos ahead this time? whos ahead right now. what does that even matter? as long as they don't have nuclear weapons to prove their point. I fought for love. I fought for it in all of my actions. but I was never good enough. I never mattered enough to anyone to be worth fighting for. not to the fat fuck in missouri not to the only woman who ever tried to love me in california.
she tried at least. I guess I'm just not born to be loved. I guess what I'm worth is wrthlessness. I prove that you can in fact be comepletely and utterly useless to the world. and yet still try to Have a point. I shake hands. I greet people with smiles. I show kind gestures. I show people my good intent. never is it enough. never is my attempt to live a fullfilling life worth the effort. never is my attempt to eb worthy of someone elses time been proven truthful. so here I am . and there I go. like a fart in the wind. like an aborted fetus that was spared life. like a dead fly spattering and flapping his wings. fighting for that last breath. fighting for the reason. the only reason any of us will ever know. to stay alive? a fly fights for the right to exist so that it can eat shit! is that all I am. a fly. I came in and I came out of your window. you shoed me away aw quick as you could. without reason. just because I invaded your space. I asked you for permission to exist. I asked you if you could see me. I asked you if you knew I was there. and you responded YES but that you wish I hadn't. every where I've gone everything I've done. was all for my own ammusement. too bad I was the subject of liars and thieves. heartless vandals that would just as soon slit my throat then offer me a meal. no beginning no end. because there was no meaning. no meaning what so ever. no beginning no end because there was no value bestowed upon me and mine. my thoughts. my love. my ambition. all self generated. for self gratiification. just as all humans act. nothing special . nothing important. just antother grain of sand on a desert island yet having been discovered. and even when discovered labeled something else. and treated as an object.
nothing matters. there no reason to even write this passage. there's no reason to een think these thoughts. it will never matter to no one. the end.
