the sweet sounds of death are so hauntingly beautiful. whispering in my ear. unearthing my shadow. guiding my hand. she sings to me. she laughs with me. she has all my wants and desires. the stuff dreams are made of. with her sickle and her robe. her conniving smile and her relentlessness towards her job. She waits for no one. yet she's on every bodies side. What am I still doing here? besides taking up time and space. I know that she loves me. She's always loved me. I just would never hold her hand. I want for too much. I need things. I have an urge to keep trying. regardless of how firmly she tugs. I can't just give up on everything and then devote myself forever to one cause that will last forever. Everything is immaculate. yet its a wadded up mess. its a perfect wadded up mess. because it's My wadded up mess.

oh but to think of the consequences. the consequences of living in doubt. living forever with everything unhinged. stumbling feet. stumbling thoughts. everything and anything pushing down on you in all directions. the consequences of staying true. the truth never lasts. once enough people start telling the lie the lie becomes the truth. and forward they march.